So, I have been thinking about writing a post for almost a week now. But between working and sleeping and an occasional errand run, I didn’t. Clearly. It is probably going to be very random and all over the place. Maybe a little confusing with some venting and bitching. Sorry in advance.
There is so much on my mind with the holidays and being single and alone for the first time in about 3 years. I mean, even when I was single, I was close to friends and family and I wasn’t alone or working. I like it out here in N.C. It is a nice change and it is a nice area. Maybe a little bit of bad timing though. I have made a few friends from my night job, so that is good. But I live almost an hour from all of them, except one who lives 10 mins from me but has two jobs.
So, on Myspace (super throwback), I use to post mini blogs on there to vent about a person or situation without actually saying any names. It helped me to vent but didn’t put anyone on blast. If it was about you, only you knew. So, I think I’m going to do something like that. One because there is a few things I want to say to some people in general. Maybe they will read this, maybe they won’t. But at least it is out there.
First, it crosses my mind on a regular to think that maybe, just maybe I have been making the same mistake over and over when it comes to relationships. It is like I’m in high school for life. I’m always going to be one of the bros or like a sister. I’m someone that people love but very rarely am I the person that someone is in love with. It is draining thinking that I will be starting over in a way. And it isn’t any where near where I thought I would be at this age. I get it. A lot of people aren’t where they thought they would be, but I’m going nowhere. It’s like I waste time on guys that I think are in love with me. Try everything to prove that I am worth it, but I lose myself in that time. I lose my independence. I lose time with friends. I lose time to love myself. I invest so much time and effort into the relationship, just to be told I haven’t invested enough time. I have grown a lot since high school.
I have learned that you should never pass on a guy who is there for you, doing everything he can to make you happy for a guy that is away (physically and emotionally) ruining your night with a single phone call. I have learned that when you break someone’s heart, saying sorry, isn’t going to fix it and it may be too late, they will definitely move on. Then, you just have to watch someone that you love be happy and love someone else.
I have learned that if someone waits too long to tell you how they feel, it may be for the best. There is a possibility that they will tell you something (like they will be there for you no matter what) and then just bail when you need them the most. And that you don’t want to be friends with the guy that talks to you about the past when he is currently in a relationship with someone. Although, the time spent together were normally pretty fun and chill, the amount of time being stood up and blown off should have been a sign. There was more than enough time for the truth to be told and waiting until the last minute was bad timing for everyone. I don’t regret the decision that was made, even with the current situation.
I have learned that you can’t completely invest time into someone who isn’t wanting to put a ring on it. You never know what will change. Priorities, dreams, goals. Never assume someone is on the same page as you in life or in the relationship. And just because you guys are open about just about everything, there could be something that they are hiding. Always question mood changes. Never ignore the obvious. Never lose yourself completely.
That’s all for now.